Wednesday, November 12, 2014

challenge day 12 - bummed

today was a fairly normal day, but then there were really good parts.

- birthday bagels for a fellow novemberpalooza co-worker
- laughing hysterically w/ co-workers
- my friend becks delivered a french silk pie i'd ordered
- i shared the pie w/ co-workers & everyone enjoyed it lots
- got to chat w/ my friend mel a bit
- got to see mr c and get a laugh out of him : ) 

but then it was aslo really crappy (shitty - i want to say shitty) when i had a meeting w/ my supervisor at the end of the day, directly after having comforted a co-worker from having a shitty day due to their supervisor's rude & mean behavior.  i wasn't expecting my meeting to be a bad one - i've been very blessed the past two or three years, that every meeting i've had has been very, very good.
but this meeting, this was the meeting where i was informed that - despite the fact that i'm known company-wide (at least in the US) as the SME (subject matter expert) on a certain system, despite having put together documentation and given presentations on the subject and been the go-to person for the past few years, despite building a reputation of trust, quality, knowledge and caring about not only the company but the employees - they want me to have a "specialist" for this process's issues who i would escalate things go.

aca-scuse me?  

i know my title isn't "specialist" but WTH dudes?!  

anyway, there are several things wrong with this scenario, not the least of which being these points:

i've been assured on multiple occasions that THIS EXACT SCENARIO WAS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

i was asked what i liked best about my job, what made me want to get up in the morning & come in to work, even if i'm not feeling so hot one day or whatever, and i answered w/ my joy over what i get to do w/ this particular part of my job.  that i get to interact with ppl & HELP them & work w/ so many different groups to make sure that everything was being administered correctly.

so, yeah.
three months after THAT discussion, after saying the one thing i didn't want to give up if we ended up shifting work around, was this part...
and after EVERY meeting this year telling me what an amazing job i do, that ppl come to my manager w/ compliments on how i do my job, specifically regarding THIS...
and after literally telling me that THIS wasn't going to happen...

so, tell me how i can not take that a little bit personally, since the person who asked me that & seemed oh so interested in the answer is the same person who decided to mess w/ that part of my job?

so i feel a bit confused right now, and a bit all over the place.  
i mean, i'll do whatever.  but i'm not going to lie about how i feel about it.
i'll roll w/ the punches you want to deliver.
i'll do my best for the employees and even the company, as i always do.
but i don't know quite how i can give my best anymore, because apparently when i do they see that as an opportunity to fix what isn't broken just because the lines look better on some chart.
so, that's fine.

yeah, i'm a little ticked about how it went down, and i can't even go into all of it here.
my supervisor said she'd take my concerns back to the person who wants to implement this, but i don't see it changing their mind unless God performs a miracle (and He could).
i got the sense this is where things were going.  
i had a gut feeling all those months ago, but i trusted the reassurance that THIS WASN'T GOING TO HAPPEN.

where i got to talk to mel & see mr c & where mom & i are going to Indy in a couple days & i get to meet ROCHELLE PAIGE & Michelle Lynn & some other awesome wordsmiths.
and where i hopefully get to have dinner w/ summer & visit.
and where i am finally home, in comfy clothes, and Sweet Dreams is just waiting for me.
so i'm gonna read, and i'm gonna try & kick out of this disappointment and disillusion.

and i may eat a snowman cookie later.



  1. I hope you enjoyed your Snowman cookie.... ;) I have been where you are, my dear. Indirectly--of course (I was never the "SME"...even though...well...we both That's why we're such good neighbors!!! See you tomorrow. And P.S. I can't build a snowman with you until after shut down.

  2. i DID enjoy my snowman cookie, thank you! and i'm pretty sure you should be considered the SME on a few things... grrrrr.
    OH! and the important part is that you WANNA build a snowman. *grin*


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