Saturday, September 6, 2014


I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
- Scars by Papa Roach 

oh, papa roach, you get me sometimes.  you just ... GET me.  : ) 

we all have scars - some physical, some emotional.  i have both.  a lot of the emotional scarring is because, as the song says, i care too much.  not that i really think caring is a bad thing or anything like that, but caring does open you up to hurting.  
or disappointment.

things have been going on lately, the past couple months.  i had a lot of fun w/ someone, and then it was weird, and then he did the one thing i made him promise he wouldn't do, and i'm disappointed that he made that choice.  if we hadn't talked about that being the ONE thing, if he didn't KNOW, but *shrug*  as i like to follow the advice i give to others when they're getting on my nerves for fixating on the negative, i'm not going to say anything more about it.  i quite enjoyed it while it lasted, and it was exactly what i needed at that time.  so, maybe the scar on that particular old wound is tough enough to handle new cuts w/o bleeding.

there's some stuff going on at work - not bad stuff, just changes which i'm not sure how or if they'll affect my job.  so far it seems promising, so i'm focusing on that!  still, it's a little stressful & i've been having some interesting issues cropping up lately w/ timecards & stuff.  i love the interesting cases SO MUCH, but they also add an element of stress, ya know?

there's lots of stuff going on, on the grammy front, but i don't even know 1/2 of it.  i just know that mom is stressed out & part of that is just her style, but part of it is definitely the outside factor of one of the aunts & it's just hard to know stuff's going down that she doesn't want to talk about.  or doesn't have time to talk about!  so when she is able to vent, i feel like i miss 1/2 the story!  


overall, i'm very blessed, and thankful for those blessings, tho!  
wanted to go to Yanni tonight, but that's not going to work out.  *pout*  the plus side/blessing, however, is that i've already been to SIX Yanni concerts in the past 15 years or so (i think that timeline's correct, but idk!).  i mean, my goodness, right?!  super blessed!  and on top of those 6 concerts, i've been blessed to see shinedown twice, papa roach, sick puppies, stone sour, POD, skillet, and several more amazing groups in concerts!  i'm letting myself be disappointed, of course, but i can't seriously COMPLAIN about it.  

oh, and the past few weeks i have read some REALLY AMAZING books (and only one that i was all set to love, but didn't because of the direction the author took it.  ugh.)!
- Incandescent by River Savage
- Play by Kylie Scott
- Seducing Lauren by Kristen Proby
- Ten Tiny Breaths by K.A. Tucker (i met her in nashville before i'd read anything by her - i wish i'd read TTB prior, because i would have hugged her SO HARD!)
- Assumption by Aurora Rose Reynolds
- Resist Me by Chelle Bliss
- Cole by Megan O'Brien
- Sal by Megan O'Brien

all fabulous & i recommend them if you like my kinda books!  : )  

today i took a break from reading for a bit & hung out w/ mom & leyton.  they picked me up around 10 & we went to IHOP for brunch (yummy!).  we went to Lowe's for some yard stuff & i saw some great plants that i would LOVE to have if i were a plant person!  : )  leyton & i mostly kept to ourselves so mom could find what she needed, but we did manage to help her get some HEAVY bags of rocks into the cart.  heh.  
OH!!  AND!  one of the most fun things we did - leyton used mom's phone & we were texting each other while right next to each other!  LOL  
it was tons of fun - and it helps leyton w/ spelling & stuff.
LOVED IT!  <3 

shhhh... gramma, hush, carrie wants to take a picture!

next stop was Sam's.  leyton & i were thirsty, so we went to the food court area to get sodas.  we were in line, play-fighting (ninja/mma) where he comes at me w/ play punches & i block him & we have some other moves that would be really cool if they were real!  *laugh*  well, of course all fun things must come to an end at some point, but unfortunately this ended when he came at me too fast & i didn't close my hand quickly enough & i ended up gouging his arm w/ my nails.  (sidebar: about 25 years ago, i may have scarred his dad for life w/ my dangerously sharp nails, but he & i had been having a real chase/fight around church.  still, i never meant to actually HURT him!)
blood welled up & he was crying, of course (cuz that shit STINGS!  *wince*) & we went into the loo & i washed them out & patted them til they stopped bleeding quite so much.  d'oh!  then we got back in line for soda.  goodness!  poor kid... :(  
on the plus side, we had fun (til the injury!) & after the injury, we got to sample some really delicious food stuffs.  and afterward, there was coffee!  :D  

oh, and leyton got madden 15 for his xbox, so hopefully he will be a happy camper when he gets home & is able to play it.  it was hilarious, tho - this kid has some great lines!  
so, he's in the car trying to open the game package, and mom & i are loading up the car.  suddenly, he asks me to open up the plastic on the package & says, "use the nail you cut me with, aunt carrie!"  LOLOLOLOL  oye!  

(btw, it wasn't sharp enough to break through the plastic, so i had to get out my keys & use one of them... *laugh*)

now, i'm home & in need of a recovery read before i start the new Dark-Hunter (Son of No One, which looks GREAT but i know is going to be emotional), so i'm going to do a re-read of Push The Envelope by the amazing Rochelle Paige!  woot woot!  
bret's at Adventureland w/ a friend of his, so i hope he's having F U N!!  

hope you enjoyed this little update, and the pictures, and please check out some of the books mentioned.  they really are amazing!!!  
plus, #supportindieauthors ya know?  *grin*
love ya!