okay, i really am going to BED soon. really. but first i had to get this out of my head so i can actually hopefully sleep when i get there. : )
so, you know i'm doing the dating site thing for a month & seeing where it goes. you know i'm not really comfortable w/ the whole thing based on previous experiences. but, i figured, this go around, i'm more comfortable w/ ME than i was before. and posting pictures right away at least takes away that old nightmare, a little bit. and it's coming to the end of my self-imposed deadline, and i haven't really talked to anyone from the site, but i've had some .... nibbles? (ooh, a fishing analogy, who AM i? *laugh*) but nothing further. and my position had been that i wasn't going to first step anyone in the communication dept. if they want to communicate, they will, right?
and then, for some reason tonight i decided to send a note. a hello. literally, that's all i could come up with. a hi. i'm a writer for pete's sake! i can write for hours about nothing and everything. and all i come up with is "hi"? again - who AM i? well, i'm a dork. i know this, i accept it, i'm comfortable with it, for the most part. and yet as soon as i hit send i immediately got that "wth did i just do?" feeling. not because i regret doing it, but just because i'm me.
i make tons of sense.
anyway, so, that happened. moving on!
i really like my new neighbors at work. my wall-mates are funny & we play off each other well in the making each other laugh department. : ) and when we have to deal w/ silly or "bwhaaa?" moments, we each get where the other is coming from, even tho we have totally different job functions. which, is really kinda neat if you think about it.
today i also had a nice little meeting w/ my boss, even tho some of the news she had to impart wasn't what i'd been hoping for, it wasn't unexpected, and i really am okay w/ it. (background - i'd asked for her to look into changing something about my job, she investigated & discovered we can't change it at this time, which is what i expected, but i'm glad she investigated it just the same.)
there are several things going on in the next month or so that will be so far out of my comfort zone, and as they get closer i'm getting ... well, since my whole life is a dichotomy of things, i'm excited and terrified and staving off the panic attacks by reminding myself how much i'm going to ENJOY each of these events - training ppl on timecards, i've got this! i KNOW my stuff when it comes to timecards, and i truly enjoy talking about them & letting ppl know what they should be doing & teaching them the right ways to do these things so that they know. i'm confident in the info i have to impart. but it's going to be a whole room full of managers... not that it matters if they're managers or line workers, it's going to be a room full of PPL! agh. but i've done this before & it went well & it will go well again... right? RIGHT.
and then nashville... i'm so excited to get to meet these authors who i've talked to quite a bit through social media, and whose stories i have so enjoyed reading! i'm excited for the road trip & the drive & the gorgeous scenery and getting to visit the Parthenon again, and getting to meet my newest little cousin while i'm there. i'm excited about the trip. but thinking about being alone in a room full of ppl for idk how long... we are all going to be there for the same reason, we all share a love of these authors & their stories... we'll have lots to talk about! and i'm sure they'll all be super nice... i'm super nice... i'll make line friends, right???
i had a blast in atlanta last year, and i was by myself, and i was nervous as all get out, but i DID it and i stayed the whole night and i made line friends and i met adam ezra and i met alethea kontis and i met sherrilyn kenyon and they were all SO NICE! and it was an awesome experience. i know this nashville trip will be the same. i know it, deep down where confident, friendly, happy carrie lives. i know it.
okay, okay, i think it's all out of my head now, for the moment anyway. : ) panic attacks suck, even when or maybe especially when they're like pre-panic attacks. but every time i do something to fight one, every time i step out of my comfort zone, i feel good about it. i have fun. i enjoy myself. doesn't mean i always win, or beat them. (hello, recent CEO speech i was super excited about attending that i at the last minute had to not attend due to panic winning.) but every time i do... well, those are happy times.
i can do this. i will do this.
and as to that email - and that website - and that particular step out of my comfort zone? whatever happens, it will be okay. i will be okay.
and on that note, seriously, really, BED!
ttfn : )