Tuesday, May 27, 2014

hangin out w/ the cute boys

*laugh*  so, today was interesting.

first of all, i had 5 days off.  i took vacation on thursday & friday, then we had monday off for memorial day.  it was a glorious long weekend/vacation/holiday.  i hung out w/ my friend becks.  i hung out w/ mom & leyton (we went to IHOP & then went to sam's, where leyton devoured several samples of various foodstuffs.  it was a BLAST!).  i read 8 books.  (yes.  8!  LOVE IT!)  i took a nap when i wanted to.  i slept in (most days.  i was up at like 6:30 on saturday.  *laugh*)  

i knew today was going to be rough - i'd went into my work email over the weekend to delete things so that i wouldn't have to do it today, so i knew i was coming in to about 60 emails in one box of actual email i needed to DO something with.  i have two other boxes that i couldn't check.  (i didn't get to those today, either, but i did note that there are about 60 in them as well.)  i also knew i had an hour & a half meeting w/ the auditor scheduled, and my one on one w/ my manager, which is an hour.  so, i KNEW it would be busy.

i did not imagine it would be quite this busy, however!  *laugh*  i was able to get through a good 10 emails or so in the hours before mr auditor arrived.  then, as we dug into the audit, we discovered that part of what he needed to pull samples of had been archived, and he didn't have time to wait for the boxes to be delivered (he only had today to get the necessary things pulled).  so, we arranged a field trip to archives.  i called mr archives & asked him to pull the needed boxes, and then we headed out.  the audit meeting was only supposed to go til 10:30.  we left around 11 for archives.

now, i've been to archives before.  many years ago.  for some reason, i thought it was at one location, so we drove there.  when we got to reception, it was discovered that mr archives & all his boxes are at a different location.  two towns over.  *sigh*  so, back in the car we went.

we had some nice chatting time, tho!  mr auditor is from china, and i learned lots of different cultural things!  loved it!!  he was also very gracious about the fact that i completely messed up the location.  

(here's where i interject a side note of being proud of myself.  this is the kind of situation where a panic attack could rear its head, or i could get really really uncomfortable - i just messed up in front of not only an auditor, but a cute auditor!  but, altho i know i was bright red (defcon tomato, as i called it - and then had to explain!  LOL) i was also not panicky.  i had a mini attack when we got back & my email was once again all over the place, but during our field trip escapade, i held it together.  and that is something to praise the Lord about!!!)  : )  

so, we made it to the archive building & mr archive was also very gracious about my getting turned around & being late & causing him to have to go to lunch about 1/2 an hour later than normal.  and mr auditor was quite gentlemanly, offering me a tissue when i was ... erm... overly warm in the warehouse.  (seriously, idk how mr archive works in that place in the summer - it was sweltering in there & it's not even THAT hot out yet!!)  there again could be cause for panic or my being even MORE overly warm from embarrassment.  but such was the calming effect & friendliness & compassion of mr auditor, that i still held it together.  : )  

and, here's the kicker, i was having FUN!  : )  

so, along w/ all that, guess what today is?  mr crushtastic's birthday.  so i got to IM w/ him a bit through all the craziness, as well.  i even got to see him in the hall at one point & wish him a happy day in person.

so, all in all, it was a GOOD day, even through all the insanity.  

God is good, all the time!  

now, tomorrow, i'll have to wade through all the stuff i didn't get to today, but i DID manage to get through all of my email in the main box (timecard & vacation stuff & photos - well, saving them, not processing them!)!  counting blessings!  

tonight i was planning to go over to aunt sandy's for aunt vickie's birthday dinner, but unfortunately i'm not feeling so hot, and that on top of the exhaustion of the day means i'm just going to stay in.  

on the plus side of that, i'm reading Just One Song by Stacey Lynn & so far i'm absolutely in love with this book.  it's like Lick by Kylie Scott in that i could feel from the first chapter that it was going to be a favorite re-read.  i hope it lives up to that thought!!  :D   

what else?  i don't know, i think that's it for carrie's adventures today!  *laugh*  it really was a day i'm thankful for.  


Wednesday, May 21, 2014


i swear, ppl knew i was leaving for the week today.  my email exploded with timecard & vacation & photo stuff.  i had 4 meetings scheduled.  they JUST squared away my back up for vacations an hour before the end of my day, and the person they wanted to train her doesn't even fully get the process.  :|  she came over & was like, "okay, quick recap."  she & the other gal are awesome, but management really should have cleared this crap up earlier so i could make sure everyone was properly trained.  just a little frustrating, ya know?  

anyway, all the meetings went well (cute boys were involved in two of them!  LOL) & i was able to help some peeps w/ their stuff & i remembered to set my out of office, so it's all good.  heh.  

and now, i have FIVE DAYS OFF!  two days of vacation, two days of weekend, one holiday... and when i get back it's going to be insane again (more meetings scheduled for tuesday...eep!), but i am so ready for some R&R, man!  this is my time to decompress & read a bunch of books & veg out.  my next vacation in a couple weeks, going to nashville, is going to be a blast, but it's also going to be stressy.  which is why i'm taking off 1/2 the week when i get back into town, for recovery days!  *laugh*  

i'm a little worried about angel.  she'll be 11 in august, and she's started doing some odd things & being more vocal.  but she doesn't appear to be in pain anywhere, and she's not violent (nipping/biting) at all.  idk.  :(  i hope she's okay.

i'm also a little worried about the family.  there's even more tension w/ the whole grammy situation, certain things have been devolving to the point i just want to smack all 4 sisters.  well, maybe not aunt carol.  i don't think she's been a part of the drama so much.  it's just so weird, because they all have very different personality types, except for mom & aunt janet who are eerily similar, so similar that it's what causes 3/4 of their conflicts!  oye.  sunday, grammy had an episode where they thought it was time, and all the sisters made it there, but then she rallied & i believe has been doing okay this week.  and it's so hard - she's 99 years old, for pete's sake, and i don't want - none of us want - her to be in pain or uncomfortable & right now she just IS and so... *sigh*  it's just sad and nutty but not in a good way.  

so, that's what's going on around here right now.  back on the happy notes - i have FIVE DAYS OFF!  :D  and books coming in the mail.  and a signed copy of TTT on its way.  :D  yay!  

oh, AND - yesterday phil locked his keys in the house & called me for a rescue.  he had to get leyton to his baseball game!  so i headed down there & leyton let me cuddle him for a minute before they tore outta there.  :)  yay again!  

i was drawn to receive an ARC of Until Nico, book 4 of Aurora Rose Reynolds's Mason Brothers series.  LOVED IT!  i think it releases on june 3rd, so then i can post a review on the usual sites.  but my love for it, i think i'm safe in sharing right now.  *laugh*  :)  

of course i can sleep in tomorrow, so it's not even 10 & i'm yawning & oh so tired!  probably because today was so crazy busy!  heh.  so, i'm gonna try to keep my eyes open & concentrate on another chapter or two & then hit the hay.  

what're y'all up to for memorial weekend?


Thursday, May 15, 2014


so, i was listening to the actual words i was singing along with while singing along w/ the song Addicted by Saving Abel.  it's basically a love song to blow jobs.  nice.  and still... it's one of my favorite songs.  huh.

this morning i stopped at hardee's to use my coupon for biscuits & gravy before it expired.  the coffee at the bux.  so i was a little later than normal when i got to the bridge.  it was backed up because of either a one-car accident or stalled car - when i got up there, the car didn't look damaged & there wasn't an ambulance, but that could be because it'd already come & gone & they cops were just waiting for the tow truck.  not sure.  anyway, i hope everyone is okay!!  i spent 37 minutes crawling through traffic on the bridge, tho!  i didn't mind so much (other than thinking that my breakfast was getting cold & i didn't really want to microwave a biscuit!) because there was a cute guy in a hot (HAWT) car in front of me for most of the journey.  *grin*  also, i was singing along to Shinedown played very loudly.  :D  

i spent the majority of today working on timecard issues.  phone calls & IM's & emails galore about timecards!  and also a fun IM conversation w/ some dude at one of the other units who's always giving their hr rep a hard time & has now transferred that over to me.  *laugh*  he definitely made my afternoon enjoyable!  

i think i only have one more day on the dating site.  i've had some "likes" and a "favorite" and whatnot.  i've liked pictures & profiles & even sent a couple emails.  no follow thru from anyone, so idk what the point of their "liking" and "favoriting" was.  (one friend commented on my fb status about that - that they're probably too cheap to pay for "membership" so that's the only option available to them.  okay, well.  that just seems silly to me.  why even be there then?  i mean, what is the point?  

and all of that has me lamenting - WHERE ARE ALL THE ALPHA MALES?!  seriously!  april made a comment about "taking a risk" and "what if your perfect match is just as nervous/shy as you are?" and i'm all like - THAT IS NOT THE POINT!  it's not about "risk."  it's about the type of guy i'm longing for, when i let myself long for anything.  you know i crush on mr c, and i enjoy him a lot.  he's super cute, funny, polite, and fun to IM with on occasion.  but he's shy.  is he interested back & it's just that shyness preventing him from making a move?  that's where her "risk" comment comes in.  "ask him out/suggest coffee" whatever the suggestions are.  uh, no.  it's not because i'm unwilling to take a "risk."  no one understands the amount of courage it took for me to IM him that first time - and every time after, because i didn't want to bug him.  

the point is that i can be outgoing, social, friendly, flirty, what-have-you.  i can make "a" move, if you want to call it the "first" move in relation to guys.  but when it comes to - idk what you would call it anymore, going out?  a date?  hanging out casually in a social setting?  whatever, when it comes to that, my so-called "perfect match" if he even exists will be making those moves, and will be CLEAR about it, no room for misinterpretation.  and if i'm still clueless, which let's face it, i have been known to be.  more than once.  if i'm still clueless, he'll have no problem spelling it out for me.  

because that is what i want, and that EXISTS (i've seen it, i still see it) and i don't think i should settle for anything less than that.  because i'm tired of tying myself up in knots wondering "does he/doesn't he?" or "does he just want sex?"  i want intentions known, i want a guy who can take charge and communicate and takes me into consideration.  

ummmm.  i sorta went off into tangent / SQUIRREL land there.  sorry/not sorry!  *laugh*  

so, since that man hasn't appeared, and my month of the dating site experiment is about over, it's back to the drawing board.  *laugh*  being an anxiety-riddled social butterfly dichotomy is super fun when it comes to trying to meet new guys, lemme tell ya!  

anyway, those are my addicting thoughts for the evening.  : )  i'm going to read a bit more & then hit the hay & then be thankful tomorrow is friday and THEN be thankful that i have a 5 day weekend coming up!  


OH!  after work i went to the bank to get cash out for the store because i wrote my last check at lunch, and the pen pretty much exploded all over my hand.  so the bank teller sent wet ones through the air tube for me, wasn't that sweet??  : )  my skin holds onto ink really well, tho, so while it faded, it didn't go away.  then she told me that hand sanitizer would work, so i tried that & it took off more but not all.  so, i'm still a little inked up, but not in the cool tattoo kinda way!  

then, i went to get groceries & my goal was to stay at $100 or so.  i mosey'd thru the store, sticking mostly to the outside, altho i did need cereal and TP and cat food, so aisles it was for those!  heh.  saw a former co-worker from my WM days & we chatted a bit (see, i'm memorable!  i worked at WM for like a total of 2 years in the late 90's for pete's sakes!  *laugh*).  she's a sweetheart!  : )  

oh, and my grand total for the groceries was a little over $98.  woot woot!!  


Saturday, May 10, 2014


there are pieces of me that no one sees.  and yet, mostly, i'm an open book.  

i'm just me, whether with mom or family or friends or at work or in line at the grocery store.

but i'm full of pieces, and not everyone gets to see all the pieces all the time.  

i'm fun and funny and flirty and happy and sad and scared and nervous and anxious and oblivious and connected and observant.  sometimes i'm all of these things at once, sometimes i'm one or the other or some combination.  but they're all me.

i've never had to deliberately hold back any piece of myself before, but i find myself doing it in this situation.  because a friend who was once a friend but is now more of an acquaintance gets only the sounding board me.  i don't volunteer much of anything.  on the rare occasions i'm asked something specific, i don't lie, but i don't go into details.  she doesn't get that any more.  and the sad thing is, she doesn't even realize it, and i don't think she cares, which is why she doesn't get that any more.  

i don't normally think about it, but today it just sorta popped into my head, these pieces of me, and i had to get it out.

so, there ya go.  

you, dear readers, get more pieces of me than someone i've known for 20 years.  and i'm okay with that.


Thursday, May 8, 2014

sleepy decisions (getting out of your - my - comfort zone)

okay, i really am going to BED soon.  really.  but first i had to get this out of my head so i can actually hopefully sleep when i get there.  : )  

so, you know i'm doing the dating site thing for a month & seeing where it goes.  you know i'm not really comfortable w/ the whole thing based on previous experiences.  but, i figured, this go around, i'm more comfortable w/ ME than i was before.  and posting pictures right away at least takes away that old nightmare, a little bit.  and it's coming to the end of my self-imposed deadline, and i haven't really talked to anyone from the site, but i've had some .... nibbles?  (ooh, a fishing analogy, who AM i?  *laugh*)  but nothing further.  and my position had been that i wasn't going to first step anyone in the communication dept.  if they want to communicate, they will, right?  

and then, for some reason tonight i decided to send a note.  a hello.  literally, that's all i could come up with.  a hi.  i'm a writer for pete's sake!  i can write for hours about nothing and everything.  and all i come up with is "hi"?  again - who AM i?  well, i'm a dork.  i know this, i accept it, i'm comfortable with it, for the most part.  and yet as soon as i hit send i immediately got that "wth did i just do?" feeling.  not because i regret doing it, but just because i'm me.  

i make tons of sense.  


anyway, so, that happened.  moving on!

i really like my new neighbors at work.  my wall-mates are funny & we play off each other well in the making each other laugh department.  : )  and when we have to deal w/ silly or "bwhaaa?" moments, we each get where the other is coming from, even tho we have totally different job functions.  which, is really kinda neat if you think about it.

today i also had a nice little meeting w/ my boss, even tho some of the news she had to impart wasn't what i'd been hoping for, it wasn't unexpected, and i really am okay w/ it.  (background - i'd asked for her to look into changing something about my job, she investigated & discovered we can't change it at this time, which is what i expected, but i'm glad she investigated it just the same.)  

there are several things going on in the next month or so that will be so far out of my comfort zone, and as they get closer i'm getting ... well, since my whole life is a dichotomy of things, i'm excited and terrified and staving off the panic attacks by reminding myself how much i'm going to ENJOY each of these events - training ppl on timecards, i've got this!  i KNOW my stuff when it comes to timecards, and i truly enjoy talking about them & letting ppl know what they should be doing & teaching them the right ways to do these things so that they know.  i'm confident in the info i have to impart.  but it's going to be a whole room full of managers... not that it matters if they're managers or line workers, it's going to be a room full of PPL!  agh.  but i've done this before & it went well & it will go well again... right?  RIGHT.  

and then nashville... i'm so excited to get to meet these authors who i've talked to quite a bit through social media, and whose stories i have so enjoyed reading!  i'm excited for the road trip & the drive & the gorgeous scenery and getting to visit the Parthenon again, and getting to meet my newest little cousin while i'm there.  i'm excited about the trip.  but thinking about being alone in a room full of ppl for idk how long... we are all going to be there for the same reason, we all share a love of these authors & their stories... we'll have lots to talk about!  and i'm sure they'll all be super nice... i'm super nice... i'll make line friends, right???  


i had a blast in atlanta last year, and i was by myself, and i was nervous as all get out, but i DID it and i stayed the whole night and i made line friends and i met adam ezra and i met alethea kontis and i met sherrilyn kenyon and they were all SO NICE!  and it was an awesome experience.  i know this nashville trip will be the same.  i know it, deep down where confident, friendly, happy carrie lives.  i know it.  


okay, okay, i think it's all out of my head now, for the moment anyway.  : )  panic attacks suck, even when or maybe especially when they're like pre-panic attacks.  but every time i do something to fight one, every time i step out of my comfort zone, i feel good about it.  i have fun.  i enjoy myself.  doesn't mean i always win, or beat them.  (hello, recent CEO speech i was super excited about attending that i at the last minute had to not attend due to panic winning.)  but every time i do... well, those are happy times.  

i can do this.  i will do this.  

and as to that email - and that website - and that particular step out of my comfort zone?  whatever happens, it will be okay.  i will be okay.  

and on that note, seriously, really, BED!

ttfn  : ) 

Saturday, May 3, 2014

a short list & some catch up photos

- had a FABULOUS meeting w/ my boss on thursday.  i love getting compliments, even if i turn bright red because they also embarrass me.  *laugh*

- am kinda annoyed w/ the dating site.  sometimes it feels like fishing - you get a nibble but no bites, or the wrong fish gets hooked!

- came home sick thursday afternoon & was sick yesterday, felt better this morning & went to lunch w/ trish, but then was feeling like more rest would be a good idea afterward, so no garage saling for me!

- have been reading some super emotional books - the Sulfer Heights series by M.S. Brannon.  VERY GOOD but in a rips-your-still-beating-heart-out kinda way.  *tears*

- also re-read South of Surrender because i got the last book in the Anemoi series (by Laura Kaye), East of Ecstasy, in the mail the other day.  : )  i'm reading that one tomorrow.

- chocolate cupcakes from panera are the bomb.

- i forgot what else i was going to write about.  please enjoy these pictures!

ttfn!  : )