Saturday, August 24, 2013

i have a headache

and it had better go away soon & not come back tomorrow!  tomorrow is SHINEDOWN and papa roach and skillet and the other ppl, but ... SHINEDOWN is the important one for me.  *laugh*  : )  

other than the current headache, and mom somewhat annoying me, and my knocking over leyton's soda at linner... today was a great day.  : )  i did have fun hanging out w/ mom & leyton.  it almost didn't happen, tho.  mom just needs to loosen up, a bit, and learn to approach things in a different manner sometimes.  she still doesn't see anything wrong w/ the way she talks to ppl or what she expects of ppl sometimes.  and it gets frustrating for all involved!  including her!  but she thinks i'm picking on her or something when i try to point it out.  i'm not picking on her - i'm trying to make her life easier, happier, whatever.

anyway.  so, leyton didn't want to take a bath this morning before heading out for our day of shopping & whatnot.  therefore, mom declared we just weren't going anywhere.  really?  when she called to tell me this, i was like - hello, he's six.  you really can't convince the six year old to take a bath?  give me leyton.  so, she put him on the phone, and i talked to him, and asked him why he didn't want to take a bath.  he didn't know.  i said, "well, okay.  i'm kinda disappointed we won't be able to go to the teacher store & look for dice, and i was really looking forward to going to sam's for free samples today."  we talked for awhile about that & other stuff & then he said, "well, you can come over later if you want to."  and i said, "maybe."  then we said i love you's & hung up.

about 10 minutes later, leyton calls me back & says, "i changed my mind, aunt carrie.  i decided to take a bath so we can go (shopping)."  i said, "you did?  that's wonderful!  i'm so happy you decided that!"  : )  

now, i have no idea what the conversation was btwn him & mom about the bath, or why he didn't want to take it in the first place (he loves water & usually enjoys bathtime).  however, i know she's been burning her candle at both ends w/ work & taking grammy shifts & i know how tonal she gets anyway.... so i can imagine fairly accurately the scene.  this was actually the case a few times today.  she would get tonal, leyton's hackles would rise (as would mine - because of the way i grew up, i'm very sensitive to vocal tones), and i would jump in to reroute & try to diffuse.  (1/2 the time mom would then get upset w/ me, but whatever.)  

leyton is a good kid.  yes, he can be whiny and throw tantrums & whatever.  all kids do that.  but as adults, our reactions to those things are teaching him proper behavior, not only for himself but for others.  there's no need to compound a tantrum by arguing w/ him, or by insisting "i am right you are wrong because i am the adult and you are the child." or something like that.  and sometimes mom falls into that trap, and it drives me batty.  leyton really is quite easy to distract out of a whiny spell or temper tantrum.  but you have to be willing to TALK TO him and not AT him.  ya know?  

and again, mom & i just have completely different personalities & i know that's part of our differing reactions.  but my goodness - if you can see that my reactions WORK and your reactions cause more stress....*boggle*  why wouldn't you want to do the thing that causes less stress?

example - while we were at the teacher store, leyton & i picked out dice, and then he went looking at some other things.  he saw an hourglass that he wanted.  he asked gramma if he could get it; she said no.  he asked me & i said not today.  he pouted & cajoled for a bit, but i was a firm "no."  so he went to put it back, and then he started crying - not whiny crying or throwing a fit crying or even loud crying.  he just let out one sniffle & his eyes filled w/ tears & he came over to me & i hugged him & let him have his moment of sadness.  mom would have told him to stop whining or whatever & that would have upset him more and probably caused a scene.  he was crying not to be difficult, but because he was disappointed in not getting something he wanted (but didn't need - as i pointed out, he had games at gramma's that have that exact same hourglass) and also tired and hungry.  his reaction wasn't bratty or spoiled or whatever else.  he just needed a hug, and then he was fine, and ready to go find something for lunch.  (well, linner, really, as by that time it was about 4.)

there had also been an ... incident... earlier at sam's - i was fading fast & needed to eat something.  leyton wanted to go to toys r us before lunch.  so, mom suggested we get a pretzel & soda before leaving sam's & then go to toys r us before lunch.  i apparently didn't answer fast enough, because then she decided that no, we would go to lunch first & then toys r us.  leyton, tho, had latched onto the pretzel idea.  then an argument ensued, because mom became stubborn about this going to lunch first thing.  now, here's where i was in a dilemma - she'd gotten the "i am the leader and we will do as i say" stubborn tone to her voice.  i, however, would actually prefer to get a pretzel & soda (hello, less than $2!).  but i didn't want to "usurp her authority" in front of leyton, so i was trying to figure out the best way to diffuse this latest situation, when she suddenly decided she'd had enough & she was going to the car & leyton & i could split a pretzel & share a drink (my original plan...).  so we did.  then when we got to the car, she was still all pissy & ... oye.  

a lot of the issues are caused by miscommunication - she doesn't "get" what i'm saying, reacts to what she thinks i'm saying, and then refuses to let go of her wrong assumption even when i try to explain.  then i get flustered, because the more i try to explain, the more she tells me she DOES understand what i'm saying, but then she proves that she most certainly does NOT understand what i'm saying... and i give up, because i don't want to fight w/ her, and i don't know how to get her to see what i actually mean.  it's frustrating.  

ANYWAY!  having vented all that, it really WAS a nice day, we did have lots of fun galavanting about - target, sam's (there really were some good samples!), toys r us, teacher's aid, and then applebee's for linner.  however, i was people'd out after sam's, and so called juli to postpone bowling again.  i was just DONE being around ppl, ya know?  

so, here are some pictures, showing that we DID have fun today!  :)  please enjoy!









and i even managed to read two short stories from Lady Whistledown Strikes Back, and i'll finish the last one before bed, i think.  : ) 

ttfn!  

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